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Discovering the Five
Basic Languages of Love
After twenty-five years of marriage counseling, I am
convinced that there are only five basic languages of love - five ways
that people speak and understand emotional love. Let me share them with
you:
1. Words of affirmation - using words to build up the
other person. "Thanks for taking out the garbage." Not -
"It’s about time you took the garbage out. The flies were going
to carry it out for you.
2. Gifts - a gift says, "He was thinking about
me. Look what he got for me.
3. Acts of Service - Doing something for your spouse
that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming
floors, are all acts of service.
4. Quality time - by which I mean, giving your spouse
your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch
with the TV off - talking and listening.
5. Physical touch - holding hands, hugging,
kissing, sexual intercourse, are all expressions of love.
Out of these five, each of you has a primary love language which speaks
more deeply to you than all the others. Discovering each others language
and speaking it regularly is the best way to keep love alive in a
marriage.
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