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Helping
Your Child Financially
Your child has married and you are
now the father-in-law or mother-in-law; you want to let
them be independent, but does this mean that you will
not help them financially? Not necessarily. But it does
mean that all help must be given in a responsible
manner, that will foster independence rather than
dependence. We should not help them establish a
lifestyle that they cannot afford to maintain.
The cardinal sin of parents is to
use financial assistance to coerce the young couple into
conforming to the parents' wishes: "We will buy you
a bedroom suite if you move into the house next
door." Gifts are fine if they are given out of love
without strings attached, but gifts that are conditional
become tools rather than gifts. Parents must diligently
guard against such efforts to manipulate the decisions
of the young couple.
Give if you like, but don't give
in order to control, and in your giving don't help them
establish a lifestyle they cannot afford on their own.
This sabotages their independence.
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